How to deal with premarital heartbreak (Part 1)

imagesYou once had someone that meant everything to you. Your marriage plans had reached advanced stage. You had introduced the person to everybody as your spouse-to-be and people had already perceived you as inseparable husband and wife, even though you were not officially married.

Suddenly, the person lost interest in seeing you, staying with you or even picking your phone calls. Because your whole life was already wrapped around the person’s company, the new situation looks like a dream that you are praying to wake up from.

The investment that has just gone down the drain is unquantifiable. There is emotional torture. There has been loss of financial investment in the person’s education or some other project area. As a lady, perhaps you have even lost your virginity to this guy. Obviously, a vacuum has been created in your heart, affecting your productivity at work and your health. People ask if you are okay and you pretend to be okay. Then, they ask after him or her and you do not know what response to give. Some of the LOVE unbelievers and divorcees who notice your traumatic mood over the broken relationship, add to your pains by blaming you for giving your heart to or loving someone, as if you have committed a crime by doing so. They neither feel what you feel nor understand your problems.

You now feel so lonely and your entire daily schedule has changed into no particular pattern. There is mental devastation and emotional confusion. Even neighbours and associates are mocking you and accusing you of not knowing what is good for you. Maybe pregnancy or a child outside wedlock is even involved. This is heartbreak. Is there any way out of this condition? YES.

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First, you must understand that there is nothing new under the sun. You are not the first person that has experienced premarital heartbreak. You are not going to be the last.

Secondly, you may not necessarily be in this condition because you have done something wrong. You may be going through this just because challenges like this are a part of life experiences that shape an individual to become a balanced personality.

Do you feel lonely? You are not alone. There is an invisible living superior personality that is always standing by you. “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1).
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear” (1st Corinthians 10:13).

God allowed this challenge to come your way because he knows you can handle it. Do not disappoint him. Job did not disappoint God. Remember? When this thing happens to someone else with less grace capacity, the person could even die; but not you. You are too loaded with strength and cannot yield to devil’s discouragement. Your future is too bright to be put off by the misbehaviour of one unreliable individual. You are too special to God.

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From now on, always ask yourself: “What is God saying about my situation?” This is more important than whatever any man or woman thinks or says.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

“Let not your heart be troubled. Ye believe in God. Believe also in me” (John 14:1).

If you are just coming out from a failed premarital relationship, the first thing to do is to seek healing from the wounds and not to jump into another one. The wounds need time to heal. If you go into another relationship with that baggage, it would mean going to stream with a broken pot. You will keep fetching water with it but the pot will always be empty before you get to destination. You need to fix the broken part of the pot before you can use it to fetch water successfully.

Now, how can this healing be found? It can be found through salvation in Christ Jesus. It is only when Jesus comes into your life that there can easily be a transformation by the renewing of your mind (Roman 12:2).

There is also solution in forgiveness. You forgive that person who has offended you, not because of the person, but because you are now being controlled and pay allegiance to Jesus Christ and not to yourself. You forgive because the person you refer to when you say “The Lord is my Shepherd…” (Psalm 23:1) has commanded so. The sheep does not argue with the Shepherd. Does it?

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Then, learn your lessons. Write them down and pray over them as you adjust your mindset to comply with Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” If you change the way you look at things, things will likely change the way they look.

It is funny that people attend a university for four years to study a course towards a career practice that they could drop after a few years. If you study law for instance, after some years of practice, you could decide to forget about wigs and become a musical artiste. It is not so with Christian marriage. Yet, only a few people bother to seek information and knowledge on what the marital institution entails. Meanwhile, a marital relationship is expected to last for the rest of one’s life. Seek knowledge. Read godly books and attend marriage seminars. You could register for our Marriage Preparatory Programme in Lagos. It will help you.

For questions, prayers, personal counselling, seminars, wedding ministration, etc,

CONTACT:
Albinus Chiedu
The Coordinator, MARRIAGE CAN WORK INITIATIVE
Mobile: +234-8038117704
E-mail: marriagecanwork@yahoo.com OR marriagethings@gmail.com
P. O. Box, 13188, Ikeja, Lagos, Nigeria

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